logo


NEWSARSE ARCHIVES



Authors



Page added on April 9, 2009

Email this to a friendEmail This Post                      Printable versionPrint This Post

It is still definitely OK to suck dicks, say Doctors

By Dungeekin It is still definitely OK to suck dicks, say Doctors thumbnail

Whilst scouring the planet for new and exciting carcinogens, scientists have disappointingly discovered that oral sex can cause throat cancer.

American researchers have found that the HPV virus - the cause of the majority of cervical cancers - can be transmitted via cunnilingus, and reportedly creates a higher risk of throat cancers than the traditional risks of smoking and alcohol use.

Professor Shagbut Licknot, who led the all-male research team producing the report, said, “We can clearly see a dangerously high risk of throat cancer linked to cunnilingus, and we are deeply concerned about this”.

Professor Licknot paid tribute to the ‘brave volunteers’ in the study, who had orally pleasured hundreds and hundreds of women to build the statistically significant sample.

100% safe.  Fact.

He also added that his team had ‘conclusively proved’ that regular fellatio completely reduced the risk of contracting cancer.

“I’m sure that this will be reassuring news to women everywhere, they can safely suck as many cocks as they like.”

“Oh, and swallowing makes you completely cancer-resistant. Honest, would I lie to you? I’m a doctor.”

However, Doctor Hilary Bulldyke, of the Feminist Medical Association, sought to play down concern about the risks via cunnilingus.

She said, “Realistically, given the average male approach to foreplay, we can safely assume that their exposure to the HPV virus is negligable at best.”



One Comment on "It is still definitely OK to suck dicks, say Doctors"

  1. Jax on Thu, 9th Apr 2009 9:53 am 

    Any excuse boys…

SUBSCRIBE TO THE FREE WEEKLY NEWSARSE ROUND UP!

ENGLAND'S FOOTBALLING HEROES

ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED

Water found on Moon

Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels

Dubai Financial Collapse

Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs

New EU Presidency

New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone



RELATED STORIES

BANNED ADVERT!


LATEST NEWS HEADLINES

ALSO IN THE NEWS

John Terry considering offer to become a South African polygamist thumbnail John Terry considering offer to become a South African polygamist

John Terry is this morning considering an offer from South African President Jacob Zuma to become a South African polygamist, after learning that President Zuma is welcomed all over the world despite having five wives and twenty children.

MORE STORIES

Don’t panic, Only Fools and Horses repeats are perfectly safe, insists Thompson thumbnail Don’t panic, Only Fools and Horses repeats are perfectly safe, insists Thompson

HAVE YOUR SAY

HAVE YOUR SAY Are Man City going too far offering £50m for the Geordie fan base?

THE LIB DEMS : DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?

THE LIB DEMS : DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING? Is knowing they are the yellow ones really enough?

OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE

RSS feed Subscribe to our feed       Delicious Are we delicious?       Digg Add us to Digg       Technorati Bookmark us       Twitter Follow us on Twitter