Jacqui Smith to point husband at plethora of free Internet porn

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith is to spend time showing her husband exactly how to access the Internet’s myriad of free porn resources.

Mrs Smith is to pay back expenses claimed when her husband Richard Timney ‘accidentally’ ordered two adult films via the Virgin cable service at her constituency home in Redditch, Worcestershire.

The incident has caused great embarrassment to the Government at a time when the country is focussing heavily on the financial crisis facing the entire nation.

“We just can’t believe he paid money for porn,” said one Whitehall insider.

“Jacqui had to spend over an hour showing him where all the best free porn is on the Internet.”

“Just a couple of clicks can get you to ‘barely legal’ teens, hot MILF action, or even old men shitting into the mouths of teenage girls.  Whatever floats your boat.”

Out of touch

The row has given further ammunition to the opposition leadership who have been quick to use it as an example of just how out of touch Labour have become.

“Just about any 14 year old boy could show you dozens of places to get free porn,” said one Conservative Party insider.

“And yet this man, married to one of our most powerful politicians, pays real cash money for it?”

“It’s frankly shocking.  It shows just how out of touch New Labour really has become.”

Mr Timney is said to have received a real “ear bashing” from the Home Secretary over the incident, a bashing very different to that which he applied to himself during the films themselves.

VICTORIA PENDLETON GIVES BACK

PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX

RELATED STORIES

• Home Secretary demands more efficient punishments for kids to completely ignore
• ‘We shouldn’t be too much longer’ promise porn-site researchers
• Chinese men busy bookmarking all the ‘good stuff’
• FA tells England fans, Internet can do more than porn, honest
• Richard Timney to look at less porn as Jacqui Smith steps down

LATEST NEWS HEADLINES

• Government tells MoD ‘be more careful with your pocket money’
• Government to introduce ’single’ benefit payment, what do you think?
• Discovery of old Zoo magazine points to unintelligent life on Mars
• Home Secretary demands more efficient punishments for kids to completely ignore
• Security experts warn that stuff you put on the Internet is on the Internet

ALSO IN THE NEWS

BP’s Tony Hayward seeking new scapegoat opportunities

Professional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.

MORE STORIES

Queen barred from BNP garden party

• Shut up! We know loads about doin’ it, insists NUT
• We’ve been really busy with other non-G20 stuff, insist CPS
• Redknapp claims Gordon Brown can win next election
• Liverpool fans draw lots to see who will rob Joe Cole’s house
• Griffin to spend afternoon swapping jokes with Prince Philip
• Eton history teacher refusing to leave bathroom

HAVE YOUR SAY

Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?

HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK

“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”

OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE

• Nation in shock as rising HIV rate shows old people definitely still having sex
• The rise of Justin Bieber also ‘not BP’s fault’ clarifies Cameron
• Government to simplify way in which it takes all your money
• Blowing people up raises risk of being blown up, admits former MI5 chief
• Star Trek fans bemoan invention of silent and invisible laser
• Vince Cable takes charge of Department of The Bloody Obvious