Fortune teller fails to escape economic downturn

A Surrey-based fortune teller has had his house repossessed after a string of unsuccessful stock market moves.

Barry Lightfoot, 59, had a track record of successful and accurate predictions for the love lives of his paying customers, and decided to take his gift into the stock market.

“It’d weird, he correctly predicted I’d meet Dave, who I didn’t know, and who is quite tall and a bit dark, I suppose.” said former customer Sarah Hughes, 23.

“But for some reason he couldn’t use his gift to pick an over-performing hedge fund for love nor money.”

Horse Racing

Mr Lightfoot, then attempted to chase his losses by moving into the potentially lucrative area of race-track gambling.

“We wouldn’t accept his bets.” said one bookie.

“Not because we thought he’d win,” he continued, “but because his vague predictions of the winner didn’t narrow down his choice.”

“We all knew ‘dark horse’ would be the winner, you can’t put two grand on the ‘dark horse’. We asked for specific names but he wasn’t able to give us any.”

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