Global warming blamed for CO2 satellite crash

By Mr. H

Global warming has been blamed as the first satellite of Nasa’s $280 million climate-change mission, dubbed the ‘CO2 Hunter’ crashed into the sea near Antarctica today.

The crash happened after a rocket malfunction, delivering a blow to the agency’s attempts to understand global warming, whilst also causing an acceleration in the melting of the Antarctic ice.

The carbon dioxide-monitoring satellite, which was allegedly capable of loads of other ‘cool stuff’, was fired space-wards on a rocket from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California.

But after blasting through the Earth’s atmosphere it failed to reach its orbiting altitude and plummeted back towards the sea.

Failed to get it up

According to the UK Government’s ‘Act on C02′ calculator, the carbon footprint left by this failed launch is the equivalent of every house in the UK leaving the lights on for a million billion years.

John Brunschwyler, one of the scientists leading the mission, said: “On a personal level, our whole team is very disappointed, we are very upset with the results. You could say fucked off, even.”

“It’s obvious that global warming is to blame for the failure of this mission, it’s almost like it doesn’t want us to prove it’s there. We are in no way responsible. At all. The CO2 did it.”

“We had been looking forward to a special guest appearance at the next SuperBowl, but I guess that won’t be happening now. Unless we plant a serious shit load of trees.”

Crisis

Political commentators in the US have expressed surprise that the first post-Obama rocket launch failed so disastrously.

There are concerns that this could signal the end of the honeymoon period for the first half-white American president unless he can fob it off as one of “Bush’s rockets”.